Dear Boy

Dear Boy,

Hello, its been 3 days, 4 hours, and 18 minutes since you told me you love me. Why you ask have I been counting? Because right before those 2 days, 4 hours and 19 minutes you took me in your arms, whispered those three words and said you’d talk to me soon. My heart still spun and the butterflies still flew. But you didn’t. And I am still waiting.

True we weren’t the best. You pushed my buttons, as I pressed yours. But we worked. You made me feel like the schoolgirl on the playground who was picked first. Special. You made me nervous, like the first day of college, ready for the new adventure and life. Scared. The confidence you radiated was something I had wanted and tried to gain for years and you made it look easy.

You took that special, nervous and scared, and walked out that door promising something you knew you weren’t going to keep in the first place. I am mad you think its okay to do what you did. It isn’t. I have feelings, a heart, and there are girls that put that on the line. I was afraid to and once I did, sometime between hello and nothing you didn’t want it, and left.

I sat up wondering what I did. Over and over, I ran the memories and times in my head. Fast forwarding, rewinding, and trying to find a clue. I couldn’t find it. Then something hit me. You did what you could. You tried as much as you could. I did what I could and tried as much as I could as well, but it wasn’t enough. And as much as it hurt to see you walk out and leave me with confusion, hurt and anger I realized that if you could do better you would.

So boy, I forgive you. I forgive you that it took my heart to see what you can and can’t do. My heart is strong and has done harder things so it took it. It still hurts but remember when you were a kid and saw lightning bugs flickering. You wanted to catch it. You saw one turn on and off, and as soon as you got near to try and catch it, it disappeared? You look around waiting for it to turn back on? Then you see another one, and then try and catch that one. Maybe some fireflies aren’t made to be caught yet. But when you catch one and keep it safe and hold it precious to your heart, it will glow bright for you.

Sincerely-

The girl that is still glowing.