Can you Hold me Together...

The phone kept ringing. No answer yet again. I knew it would be the last call I would make where I heard:

“Can you hold me together

Can your love reach down this far

Can you hold me together

Cause without you holding my heart

I’m falling apart”

Sadly I wasn’t listening to the words of the song. I was hoping, praying that the call would be answered, for the words that I had been wanting to hear come from the other side. But it was silent. And so was I. How could I have believed that he could hold my life together when I couldn’t hold it together myself?

I turned on the radio, hoping the Christian station would give some inspiration, some “light” that could help my hurting heart. This song was playing, the same song that I heard while calling, except this time instead of looking at it as a guy holding my heart I looked at it as God holding my heart. How could this be? Instead of just part of the song, it was the entire song singing to me, just for me:

“I’m feeling stronger

with you by my side

And I realize you are my hope...”

Wishing, hoping, that he would save me, a boy who wouldn’t cherish me truly as much as God. Letting myself be used and looking for fault in the other person, instead of looking at me. Seeing what I wasn’t seeing, that my broken heart wasn’t going to be fixed by a guy who didn’t care about it. People say things happen for a reason, and maybe this was a gift in disguise. A gift that would hurt but only makes me stronger. When I look farther into the song it says “Will you stay with me when nobody is around.” So many times I have put faith in men and more often then none I get disappointed. The hardest part for me is in the beginning I see a great, smart, sweet guy, but after I the honeymoon stage or my real bitch side comes out, that’s when things change. But I need to look at God knowing that when nobody is around, he is, and he is going to cherish my heart because

“ His plan for my future has always been filled with hope (Jermiah 29:11) because I’m his treasured possession “ (Exodus 19:5)

So the real question is when “ I keep floating not knowing if there is more for me, and I’m going under, and afraid that I might drown” and  “I’ve been wounded” will I reach for a guy that will leave me disappointed or reach for the guy “from what I hear has the remedy”…