My heart broke. My body got cold and my heart sunk. I wasn't wanted. I wasn't needed. When your heart gets broken for the first time its as if its bruised, literally hurts to breathe. As time goes on, it still beats, but with a limp, which isn't how it was in the beginning, when you were naive and untouched.
Before love, love was Barbies, tutus and sleep-overs. It was rainbow sprinkles that covered your ice cream and glitter shoes that danced with every step. Love was simple. It was a goodnight kiss from your mom, Christmas morning and summer nights. Discomfort was being "it" at recess and timeouts that lasted ten minutes. No one said my heart would walk out at the tender age of 17, and they never said heart breaks would still hurt, time after time. You're supposed to learn from the guys that listen to 'punk' music, who wear their pants below their waist, who is still a 'mama's boy' and loves beer more then school. It a huge sign that they aren't wanting to hold your precious heart. Yet we keep getting ourselves tangled in their smile, their eyes that shine as if its the lighthouse in the night, their truck that looks like a white horse ready to carry you to the sunset.
But somewhere that ship gets lost, the white horse doesn't show, and their eyes get dim and we're left wondering if we were enough. You want to know the truth? You weren't enough. You were too much. Too much brilliance to keep. You didn't need a light house, even if you thought you did.
When you were little you were told you would do amazing things. They never said you needed a boy to help you. Your ship has its own light. Change the light-bulb. You danced by yourself in your tutu and you were enough, a princess who didn't need a prince to show you what you were worth.
Remember when you were 16 and driving for the first time by yourself? The independence you felt? The nervous heart-beating, palms sweating as you drove down the road? It might have been nerve racking but you did it, just you. A boy doesn't need to drive you to your sunset. You were able to do it alone and you'll be able to do it again.
And remember the eyes that you used to look at that looked back at you? Go to the mirror, look at the eyes that are looking back at you. Though they are bloodshot from crying, though they might hurt from feeling as if your not enough for anyone, you are. Your unique. No one has the smile you do. The way you dance when you have a day off or just because a song is on, bring that girl back who danced with confidence that was bright and unstoppable.
No girl has your heart. It beats to its own tune. It will break though. But I promise those breaks will make you stronger. Remember when your dad said your a princess? Your mom said your beautiful? Your teacher said you were smart? Believe it. Wear those traits on your sleeve. When you want to break down, know God created something just for you. A path that may have guys that like beer more then school, and times where you want to go back to days where glitter was the best thing created.
God created a path that was just for you. If he didn't think you could do it he wouldn't have given you a sucky boss, a boy who uses you, or a father who will never be the dad you need. God gave you the roughness to make you a great leader, a girl who wont settle and a parent who will love endlessly. So when your down and bruised and dont see your heart being whole again, God is not done. Not yet.
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