Love you... to pieces

My mom said she liked funnier blogs. I would too. Except I am not in the funny blog mood. I could possibly write something funny, but it would be more of a strain to write something funny then to write what’s really on my mind. So I am going to stick what’s on my mind. And when I do have something funny I will let you know.

So the word on my mind, the new tattoo on my finger, the thing we all want to have but don’t seem to grasp, love. I have probably talked about it numerous times in my blogs and probably the same situations will be brought up once again. So if you’re looking for the funny, stop here.

I feel people are settling for what love is, in their minds. I have seen it in so many events lately that it’s killing me and is really making me question what the heck is love. The guy I slept with who is engaged is getting married next month still after his finance found out he cheated. I would hope that if I had been the other party, the girl that was going to get married, that everyone I knew would not support me in getting married to a douche. I don’t know if she is scared of being the one alone yet again, but I couldn’t imagine living married to a guy that I wouldn’t be able to trust.

Values, morals get thrown down the drain. I met a girl about 4 years ago that loved God with all her heart. Went to church every Sunday, and read the word every night. She was my hero. I looked up to her, and wanted to be like her. Now I question her and don’t even want to be her. When you know you are not going to be happy, and you know that he truly isn’t right for you, but you settle, it makes my heart hurt for the true love that is in disguise. Why settle for someone that isn’t going to make you a better person. Why stay for someone that allows you to be just okay, not the super-star you know you should be. He wont go to church with you. He isn’t going to read the word at night. How are you going to let something like God be set to the side, because you “love” a guy who doesn’t love God?

I was told the big 3 words within two months of both of my last relationships. Yet once I had broken up with them, love slipped out the door within days. As a little girl, love was just the toy I had at the time. When it got old, I found a new toy, I loved that toy until I found a new better toy. I knew what love was though, I had this blanket that I had since I was born. I never said I “loved” it, but the way I treated it was love. Softer then silk from sleeping with it. Stained from the tears I cried while in time out. And ripped from cutting pieces off and putting it in the grave of my dogs. It meant so much to me that I wore it out. I still have it, yet I don’t sleep with it or cry in it. But it still means more then any other toy or object.

I am content on being alone right now. I am not in any position to love someone. My heart isn’t in the right spot. But when I am ready, and when that other half is the right person, I will love it just like I loved my blanket. To pieces.