Born to Change...

You were born because you are going to be important to someone.

Whether or not it be tomorrow, or months away, somebody is going to be affected by your amazing-ness, your wonderful-ness. Someone's life is going to be changed in a great way because you are simply YOU. I am sure of this for me and for you :))

How to Fail at Dieting

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

How many people have started a diet and then within an hour have failed miserably and back at the delicious tempting food? Me. And probably you.

I see this:

And then I see this:

And the answer is clear from there. Unless there is something mentally wrong with you, or if your a vegetarian, or just ate the picture above and now your stuffed and can't even look at it, then I will let you slide. But come on to all the other freaks. Doesn't this look simply mouth-watering? I just ate and could still find some room in my stomach for a piece... or two. 

Dieting. Oh lordy. Where to even begin? I know a majority of ladies out there want to have a better looking body. I know I do, but why would God create people that invented delicious food be put on this earth for us not to enjoy their creations? 

I attempted to eat healthy trust me. I heard that tofu was full of protein and that when you mix it with something it absorbs all of the flavor and you can't even taste the tofu. I also saw that if you want to have healthy oil for cooking use coconut oil instead of olive oil.  So I was convinced. I went to the store to get ingredients to make tofu smoothies and get coconut oil for cooking. I bought 30 dollars worth of healthiness only to realize tofu tastes like an inside of a pumpkin and that coconut oil gets hotter then normal oil and tastes gross burnt. 

So exercise is important to so I heard. I haven't run in 4 days. I got motivation and have done well, for a couple of weeks. My dog, Lucy, is fat and lazy (cough, wonder where she got that from) and has now hated to run with me. When she runs with me, she lags behind and looks pathetic and gives those puppy eyes. Getting ready to run I start walking down the steps to the trails outside and she already knows what's coming. She gives me the "hell naw" look and sits her nice fat booty on the top step and doesn't budge. She has now become my best excuse not to run. 

So I found a fact that I guess I am gonna have to resort to because I love pizza too much and my dog is too fat to run:

:)

This is how the story begins..

This is how the story begins...

I look at the picture above and try to think of what those letters contain. Are the love letters? letters to a daughter or son? or maybe letters that one wanted to send to a lover that they never could get themselves to do.

Letters are still better then a phone call, email or facebook. When you get a letter in the mail its like a little present. Someone thought of you enough to go out and buy a card or sit down to write you a note. Someone thought of just YOU, no one else. 

These days I look in my mailbox and find the boring typed bills that are wanting money or an incentive to give a company money, but when you see a handwritten envelope with your name on it, you do a little dance, at least I do. It makes you feel special and kept in view of someone. Its an unexpected goodie. 

I need to send more letters, let the people that I think of know that they are special to me and that they deserve to be able to do a dance and not always hate going to the mailbox for more bills. 

How not to act Old..

I was trying to find something to write about. I was looking on Google and you know how on the side where all the ads are there are these weird crazy pictures trying to sell you something? Well there was something that said along the lines of 'How not to act old'. I got to thinking.

FASHION:
My dad was taking my sister and I out to dinner. As we were standing waiting for him to get ready, he was putting sandals on, with you know what.... SOCKS. Of course if it hadn't been for the fashionista's that my sister and I were, he would of walked right out of the house sporting that look. I would also mention the fact that he can't match navy and black, but I even know that can sometimes be challenging.

My mother, oh my mother.  I love her to pieces, but some of the things that woman wears, only someone with that kind of confidence can pull it off. My sister had gone to goodwill and HUNTED for an ugly sweater for a Christmas party. She found one that wasn't hideous but she knew she could make it look more repulsive and make it the talk of the party. Well she bought buttons, ribbon and made it into something pretty ugly. She walked down the stairs, and what do you know, my mother LOVED the sweater and said she would like to have it after my sister was done if she wasn't planning on keeping it. gag. She has though improved and I will say has been dressing awesome.

So word to the wise, do not wear ugly sweaters and socks with sandals.

ELECTRONICS:

This would be a great thing on not how to act old. Get with it. My dad finally transferred his ghetto flip phone, where you had to press the '2' twice for it to enter the number, for a phone that is more fancier then mine, way to go. He likes to flash it in front of me, tell it commands, and tell me all of the cool things. My mom even got a newer phone, yet she butt dials me constantly. My grandma didn't know how to answer voicemail on her phone so her mailbox was full for awhile until we taught her over a course of a couple of years that pressing '1' will let you hear messages. I am so proud.

Texting is important to not act old. Its so important because nobody talks anymore, we, just as my dad says "tic-a-ti-taking" all the time. My dad would send "ko" all the time when we would tell him where we were. I asked him what 'ko' meant and he said he meant to say ok but if he accidently pushed send it would still be k, which he has learned in the process of not being old, still means okay.

I know I only addressed a miniscule part of not acting old, but I am sure there are many more blogs in the future we can discuss. Hopefully someone told this poor kid, socks are still not cool with sandals :))

Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day!

You are:
SUPER
SMART
CREATIVE
INTELLIGENT
ORDERLY
LOVES DOGS, which makes you automatically the best!


Thank you dad for supporting me through:
college
after college
now

Thank you for putting up with:
my desire to stay in bed til noon
my whining
need to want everything my way
the numerous animals I have kept and given and brought home
did I say whining?


Any man can be a father.  It takes someone special to be a dad.  ~Author Unknown

Stronger

"There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. in fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most" 

miss you

So last night I had crazy dreams, the one's where you wake up and think what the heck, I must be psycho!! People may argue I am psycho, but these dreams were just overboard. But one actually woke me up and made me sit up in bed and seriously catch my breath. Derek. I keep dreaming about him, or certain parts of him.

I find myself still to this day, going to his facebook, looking through his pictures, videos, comments, just soaking it all in again. His life, or what it was portrayed in on facebook.  I am not sure why I still do it as memories will be more then what a photo will ever give. I just dont want to lose him, and I feel that I am.  What I could give just to hear him laugh or see him turn his lip as he smiles.  I can't imagine what he was thinking but he hasn't left me, and its almost been a year.

Tears are streaming down and I feel idiotic almost, that he and I weren't super close yet he has so much effect over me. Way to go Derek, a boy that has full control over my emotions and he isn't even around. :) Its amazing what one life can do to change so many people.

"Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things" - Leo F.

Picking Apples with a cottage cheese butt!

There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal, picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain -A.H

Oh goodness, look at the way my love handles just cling to my side, my butt looks like cottage cheese, my boobs are like ant bites, my hips are like my mother's, and so on and so on. Yes, I probably have quoted each one of these but dang girls, we were blessed yet here we are complaining about everything that was given to us.

Yes, my butt is huge, but just look Kim Kardashian she is proving that big asses are a big asset literally. My dearest friend complains she is fat and needs to lose a couple inches. UM hello?! she is at least 60 pounds less then me, which then in turn makes me feel like an elephant. QUIT IT. No one especially who is bigger then you wants to hear how "fat" you are when you know people around you are more fat. I have heard that it is just for people to hear 'no you aren't, your so skinny'. Its people's self-esteem that is low so they will say things to hear the opposite. I know I have done this multiple times and have probably still do in some aspects.

Its a vicious cycle that needs to be stopped. Have you seen at Hollister how they have bathing suits with padding for little girls? Where has innocence gone to, my dad still cringes when either my sister or I (now more my sister since I am out of the house) wears something that is too low cut or too short, and she is 16, not 9. She bought "stripper" heels and my parents were on a mission to saw a couple inches off. I would bring a short skirt to school and change so I knew the boys would be looking. How sad I wanted to be noticed more for my hottness then ME. I dont know how to stop it since the boys' will always be boys. Even grown men like to see boobs and all the fake-something-or-other. I worked at a strip club (not doing the poles) but as a waitress and there were old men that probably couldn't get it up, and were drooling so much I had to go by and offer more napkins to slop it up. So until everyone changes especially those men haha, we are all gonna be comparing ourselves to the magazine or even the girl next to us. But I am gonna look dam good, with huge hips, huge butt, and love handles that have enough loving for you and me, while picking apples off a tree. BAM!

I can't sleep but I will take my chances...

"How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will you turn to me?
 
One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breakin' heart?
One light, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
Cuz I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will you run to me?


So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't sleep but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name


Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart. "


I want to be close to him, I want to feel his face, I want to know that if I have no one I have him, I am stubborn, selfish and insecure, and wont let myself let him do the work. How does one let go and let God? I am ready for that so I can have everlasting love, so I know that love is real and lasts forever. I see him everyday, asking me, whispering to me, 'come closer to me' and yet I am determined to live my life my way thinking I have gotten through my past by myself so why not continue? Yet I continue to fall, stumble over little rocks that I could easily walk over if he was holding my hand. Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, because I am ready for you to hold my heart <3

Keeping True to YOU

Have you ever just had a shitty couple days where you swear that if you had enough money you would hop on the first plane to somewhere and never return, or until the people/situation left or decided to leave you alone? Yep, that was so me this weekend. If this weekend, one of my only free weekends I have had in months, had to be horrible, the weekend gods had to chose this one.

I am not really going into details because not only would that make me stoop down to their level, but what's the point of really living each day that sucked over and over? I will admit I let those kind of things get me down over and over, but I am just trying to let it slide and move the (excuse my language) fuck over it. I have been told, pick the things out of the advice that were told to you that will help you grow, and let the rest slide away. I re-read "advice" that was truly bitchy and mean to me and tried to get over the mean side and see if what was said true, any part of it. Yes some was true. I ditched a lot in high-school because I had a boyfriend that I wasn't allowed to see, so if I had the time I saw him. I shouldn't have ditched friends over a boy, but I did, and that was the past, and I have really grown and do put my friends before guys now. Knowing that it did hurt her feelings that she felt I didn't put enough time into her, made me realize that her needs weren't being met. Mine weren't either though, and even though you do need to meet other's needs, yours should be more important. Ending the 'friendship' was her need, and even though it may have been childish in my view, it was her need that she needed to meet, and I need to be okay with that.

I have found that no matter how much it hurts other people, you will hurt yourself more if you dont satisfy your need of happiness. I have seen it effect more people then I would like to tell. In boarding school and much of highschool I tried to please everyone. In boarding school this girl basically told me she hated me because I was so much of a goody-two-shoes and pleased everyone. Of course the pleaser in me started bawling and finally realized I took other people's happiness over mine. It took a good while, and I am finding now that I have lost a lot of people because I tried to meet every whim and need, but I have gained many friends and true one's that respect and challenge me. I am not saying that I shouldn't be respectful and flexible and say "no bitch I ain't doing it because I dont want to" but if its something that is really swaying me not to do, that I shouldn't feel bad for saying "sorry I dont think so". So hopefully my next weekend off, I wont feel the need to fly off to anywhere. But if I do get a free ticket I wont be giving it up :))

good egg

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. -Meltzer

Bailing

My body has been fighting sleep all day. I am awake, at 1 am, and can't sleep. Maybe because I am supposed to be in bed with my boyfriend, or at the wedding, or downtown, all that I should have gone to, yet here I am wide awake writing to you.

Bailing, Change of Plans, or any other form of not doing something when you said you would is what I have done. I honestly have the best intentions, and when I do go I have the best of time, but I often regret that I didn't do something. Take tonight, I was invited downtown, granted the past few pictures albums on facebook that pop up are something I am glad I didn't partake in or was around, but still could have made it fun. I could have gone to the wedding if I had found someone to watch my dogs, yet I found the easier route and deep down needed time for me and was feeling stressed. Then I say I will go to the boyfriends and didn't do that.

I could make up excuses that everyone who ever bails says. I dont know if I am pushing myself to hard to meet every expectations or I am just really fucked up, which I think is the latter. I am reading a book and in it it says that a person will do better if they can. I am not going to let this excuse from a book be the reason behind it, but I feel people do certain things because they just dont know how to do better. I dont even know where I am going with this. I dont understand why I do the things I do, and I wish I could find the root cause so I can fix it. I dont like what I did tonight, bailed on 3 things that could have all been fun. But now I feel like shit and the day hasn't even started. sigh.

be careful

You know it takes a long time for a girl to fall in love with a guy, like really fall for him, like Love and Care, and once you break her heart, she crumbles down, then the next guy she dates, she’s gonna be more carfeul, she’s gonna more jealous, she’s gonna be more insecure, cause she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

Taking Time for YOU!

Hello there blog! My oh my it has been awhile. I find that I enjoy tumblr so much more then you (no offense) because I can post as much shit as I want and people enjoy it, whereas if I bitch about how I feel, one might not read as much. So its a toss up. But I thought I would grace my presence since I know you have missed me.

I am waiting for my ambien to settle in. Worked last night. I feel like I do my job quite well yet sometimes I feel like I dont. I have a person saying well so and so, and deep down you know they are a total bitch and no one even likes them, but it still sinks in that maybe you need to fix something. Especially when you try and fix something and make it better and then realize that the problem you were trying to fix comes back.

ANWAY, enough of my moaning and complaining. I am not sure what to write about today. I miss a certain someone that smells and he might hate me saying this but homemade applesauce haha. He has this air freshner all over his house that is apple and cinnamon and so of course it smells like applesauce to me. And I love it. It makes me want to get chunky applesauce and put it in the microwave like my grandma does while making summer dinners. mMm. Its a comforting smell that I just can't get enough of.

He is really sweet, and comes over all the time, even when he has work. I am such a you-know-what for never going over there. I wish I didn't like sleep so much. Its so hard working with draining kids all night and then knowing you have to do it all over again. If I dont sleep, I dont function, and its hard for me to sleep with someone right next to me (because I never have gotten used to it with anyone, let alone my dogs). I was rushed to get out because, sleep is so important, and I told a kid I would play JENGA before I left, so I rushed in there saying okay lets play and he said

Natalie I dont like to rush while playing a game, can you calm down and take 3 deep breaths with me and play? Just calm down old granny

WHOA, from a nine year old? So I sat there dumbfounded as I took three deep breaths. I realized that I am so in go mode that I dont take the time to really enjoy my time, especially with a kid that needs just that, my time.

So boyfriend, I am going to make time for you, even if I am busy and rushing. You deserve that and I hope you know that. xoxo

Christmas.... in JUNE!

I have been following a blog, that has many wonderful quotes, and wonderful pictures. I have often reblogged them through my tumblr and find myself spending hours soaking up my time in the wonder. Well I got myself all the way to Christmas and she had awesome pictures of Christmas, lights, snow, trees, and quotes about snowflakes. As anybody would know, Christmas time is my most favorite time of the year. You bet your bottom I go all out on Christmas, and can't wait until Thanksgiving is over to start spreading the Christmas cheer. I decorate top to bottom, even buy scents to fill my house. I love it so much I plan to have some type of lights in my house all year round. Not the ones that are huge multi-colored that have dust on them and are up all year round because someone was too lazy to get them down (I see a lot of this in Michigan), but I want to get the pretty white lights and hang them outside on my veranda. Just the white pristine lights get me every time.

I want to get a dog like this so I can take pictures. I want to have a house covered in snow, where in the day time the tree is lit and you can smell the pine, and at night being able to see your house twinkle and makes you feel warm and happy to be indoors. I want to wear bright colored mittens and enjoy my hot coffee more then I do in the heat in Texas. I want to have a fire burning where the smell makes you want to grab a soft blanket and cuddle on the couch and listen to some Nat King Cole and Andy Williams. Snow angels and seeing my dogs bound in the snow getting snowflakes on their dark noses. Where a warm shower makes your toes burn because you were so cold playing out in the snow building forts and making snowmen. Where the smell of sugar cookies and laughter surround the air. Knowing that even though santa may just be my dad and his cracking of his toes as he puts together a bike or something from IKEA but still wanting to 'catch' Santa and being able to feel like a kid. 

I long for Christmas, every day. I get excited like a kid and I want it to come soon, but hate when it leaves. So even though my roommate hates listening to Christmas music unless its December, I think I am going to bring a little spirit out and get giddy thinking that its only months away :)) dont laugh, I know you want it too!

BRING IT

I dont know how long ago it was since I was in a relationship, not that long ago, but I am in one now. Do I see a marriage or all of that no, but I am enjoying NOW, and who cares how fast people think I am taking things. All that matters is that I am living my life to the fullest. I am going to live happy, whether that is dating many guys or being a cat woman. My heart is the best thing god gave me, to love and to give, so why not do all. I am lucky I get to experience so many things, if that is experiencing men so be it, but more so on the line of experiencing life. I am so ready to go out there and change the world. BRING IT :)

this little guy knows how to try and experience life 

loves you

“If she loves you, if she really loves you, you’ll know it. If you can wake up to her staring at you and it’s not even mildly creepy, if you catch her smelling the shoulder of the hooded sweatshirt you lent her for an autumn walk at the beach, and not for B.O., if she makes you a pancake in the shape of a shark, if she calls you drunkenly at four in the morning “to talk,” if she laughs at your jokes when they’re funny and makes fun of you when they’re not, if she keeps her fridge stocked with Guinness tallboys for when you come over, if she tells you how she wishes she were closer to her sister and that her dad makes her sad: She loves you, of course she loves you.” -Malla