Mother's Day..

Today is your big moment. Moments, really. The life you’ve been waiting for is happening all around you. The scene unfolding right outside your window is worth more than the most beautiful painting, and the crackers and peanut butter that you’re having for lunch on the coffee table are as profound, in their own way, as the Last Supper. This is it. This is life in all its glory, swirling and unfolding around us, disguised as pedantic, pedestrian non-events. But pull off the mask and you will find your life, waiting to be made, chosen, woven, crafted - Niequist

Happy Mother's Day. I assume you are expecting me to go on and on about how I love my mother and all of the qualities I adore within her. She already knows this. I try to show her, and I feel that she knows this. I have wanted to give her the one thing I can't give her. Happiness. No matter what I give her, what I tell her, or try to do, the true genuine happiness that I want her to have isn't there. I can't give it to her. She has to give it to herself.

I see her drowning her sorrows into things that wont give her happiness. Wine, Michigan, crafts, and the good ol craigslist is what she pours herself into. Sitting by herself in her office with a glass of wine, working on beading, while craigs-listing in northern michigan, she is alone and breaking down. When asked, she smiles, though you can see right through her eyes the sadness that I have wanted for years to take away. No I love you's or hugs can take it away.

Bill Watterson says it perfectly:

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

That is what I want to give her for mother's day, the knowing that no matter what she does, I will be by her side and that I am going to push her to find the happiness that I know she deserves. Even though she say's she has come to peace and realization, I know and she knows that the kind of life she is living isn't what she deserves. She is a wonderful woman of God, who cares about us stupid, ignorant children, who day after day step over her repeatedly. No matter how many times we do so, she is always there, steady with her love. She is wearing out though, I see it and its hard standing by watching it unfold and knowing there is nothing I can do about it.

So tomorrow, I will once again try and give her happiness that I can't truly give her. She deserves it, and I will give it to her from now and everyday. I hope she knows that she needs it. Her heart desires happiness. She is too amazing of a woman not to have it. I love you Mom. So very much.