yeah I love you.

A lot of people go searching. Searching for treasures, for themselves, for something to make them feel alive. I have searched for all of them and have realized sometimes searching leaves you feeling more lost then if you just stay. I search for somethings and and more then once I have been disappointed, crushed, and left with empty spaces.

The one thing I have continually search for is happiness. I know true happiness makes life complete and think sometimes we want to have it right away. We want the instantaneous gratification, like Alice in Wonderland, where you drink a potion and get the results right away. I try to find happiness in men, the clothes on the sale racks, and all the other materialistic things. As fast as they come, it leaves. I keep trying, grasping, searching to fill the empty space rather then letting be.

Then tonight I heard the lyrics from Tenth Avenue North:

"Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?"

So many times I hear this song and I search for other things then the one that wants me all the time, and JUST the way I am, right now. Stubborn me. Until I search for God and be okay with giving him my all, I will continue  to search for things that don't fit.

"'Cos I 'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night, whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you"

I will not be able to love me to the fullest until I love him. And how long my stubbornness will last, I don't know. I am not sure what the breaking point will be. I know he's gonna keep whispering, tug lightly and may even kick hard but he says he will keep doing this

"Cause I, I love you, I want you to know.
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go"