Polaroid...

Somewhere, someone knows the words to the song you sing.

Miss Him..

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em? 

- Calvin and Hobbes

Handsome & Lover...

I am working overnight again. Sigh. I am so ready for a normal 8-5 Monday through Friday job.

So, a week ago, I posted a status on my wall that said 'Excited to see my man in a week'. Handsome is coming Friday and pretty excited. Well anyway, a different guy, Lover, that I had been talking to before Handsome, came over to visit yesterday. Let me give you the low down on Lover:

Lover was charming, of course, and have known him since H.S. We had done the dirty once and had always texted. Well he has fallen off the planet 4 times. This meaning, that we would text and he would say amazing things to me, like he would never leave me and would love me forever. Well the last time he fell off the planet he stopped texting/calling, and everything, leaving me to sit here wondering what I did wrong. All the other 3 times he stopped texting he would text me down the road saying how sorry he was that he stopped texting. The last time he stopped I tried and tried to get a hold of him, and he kept ignoring me. So one night I thought I would use my roommates phone and call him. He answered and immediatley when I talked he hung up. Well he texted me saying how sorry he was and so on.

So that's lover. I had told him I wasn't mad, but hurt that he kept doing this to me. I told him about Handsome and the fact that he had been steady in my  life for awhile now. He said he understood but was going to come and make it up to me. So he came yesterday, with flowers ( gorgeous, white roses with some purple flowers surrounding it). It was akward at first, because he just comes to my door step and we haven't talked for a while. It was ok though. Me, Lee Ann and him went out for lunch and did a little bit of shopping trying to make the weirdness diminish somehow. Later in the evening we sat down and talked (with a little bit of alcohol in our systems). I told him that Handsome was coming and that he had been steady in my life and that I was wanting him, not you. He understood but said he liked competition and that he would win me over. Lets just say I woke up to him the next day with rose petals all over my room. Lilly, my dog, was enjoying the flavor of them as she had eaten about a rose worth. Anyway, he was totally sweet and now I am in a loss of what to do.

Handsome is coming Friday as I said and I am going to give him everything I have, he deserves that, because he has been the sweetest and given me what I crave most, consistence. So I will let you know how is goes...

I just took a caffiene pill and hopefully all my kiddos will stay asleep. Tomorrow is going to be rough. I have a meeting at 10-2 and then work 2-6. Fun Fun, but at least after tomorrow it will be home free I hope :)

Night...

Overworked

When I wake up in the morning, I feel just like any other insecure 24-year-old girl. Then I say 'Bitch you're Lady Gaga, you get up and walk the walk today.

the end.

Overnight...

So I am working overnight tonight. Sigh. I am so not looking forward to a LONG week. And the week hasn't even started yet. BOO.  So here is a layout of my lovely week.

Sunday- Working overnight
Monday- Work JCC in the morning
Tuesday- Overnight and Work in afternoon
Wednesday- SAMA training and JCC
Thursday- JCC
Friday- JCC

Whew. I am tired just looking at that. Luckily I will have a well earned weekend. I am having this certain boy come to visit me. I am looking forward too it. He comes in Friday and then leaves Sunday. There is a concert going on Saturday and I am thinking some fun will be happening on Friday night. I am not sure what exactly he is looking for, a good time, relationship, or friends. I am not even sure I should ask the question, but if I am going to do something with him I probably should find this out. How do I ask? I am not even sure if I want a relationship. I mean 1) It will be long distance, and 2) the thought of 'no' is almost enough for me not to ask.

I have also been thinking a lot about Derek. He comes to my mind it the oddest of times and always in weird ways. I always question myself about if I had talked to him when he had texted me, or if I had just hung out with him and gave him a chance he wanted, maybe he would be here today. What an awful feeling to know that you are going to end your life, and not having anyone stop you from doing it. Ithink that would be the worst. Sinking lower and lower and no one even noticing that you are reaching your hand out to be grabbed. I wish there was some way I could say sorry, or for a way for him to hear me. I just feel an empty spot without him here. I feel selfish that when he was around I didn't give him the time of day, because I always thought that he would be there. He would text me 'hey' and then if I felt like it I would text him back 'hey what are you doing?' and he would always reply 'drinking' or 'smoking' or something around those lines.

I had always thought that he was immature and would grow out of this stage that was so 'cool'. Little did I even think of thinking that maybe this was a way of reaching out. Stupid me didn't even think of this, and now I wish more then anything I could have said, 'you want to hang out?' I always said we could hang out and never did, but now I wish I had actually gone through so I could have let him know that I was there.  I miss him and I can't wait for one day when I can actually go and tell him how sorry I am, and that I wont leave him alone.

Fun Night...

Had a super night tonight :) We (group of friends) went to a bar where a band played. They were awesome. Ah it was so good. I am so excited to be living in a place where I could do fun things like this every night. Even though I am working for the next week straight, I am quite excited for more fun times to come. Night all. Going to bed xoxo

BE mine...

picture...

This makes me think of Derek. I miss him so much. 

Called-In...

Yes, I called in. I am not sure if this is ok or not. I have called in 3 times now since I have worked. I have been genuinely sick all three times but I feel like it is going to cost me my job. URG, I hate that I have such a bad immune system. To top it off I dont have a boy here. Not that I need one, but I would certainly like one. The dogs will do, they dont mind if I breathe through my nose weird, or moan because of my chills, they sit there nicely, taking it, and looking at me with their puppy dog eyes. presh.

I took some medicine and waiting for it to knock me out. I find it so interesting how a little pill can do such wonders, hmmm. Good thing I am not a pharmacist. But I am gonna leave with a quote, and a picture, they are what really interest me with this blog :)

And seriously, if a guy says what do you want, and she says she doesn't care, she really does CARE.

Sickness...

Ugh, I hate being sick. Especially when your roommate is going to move in, just doesn't make for a fun day. I think my fever just broke because I am sweating and freezing.

My pups are being so patient. They want to go on a walk so bad and are laying around while I blow my nose like an elephant and cough. Lucy has been doing so well. I am so grateful that one of my dogs is just content with laying around.

So this guy got my number from my facebook page (I erased it). I dont know who he is, but since we had multiple mutual friends, I accepted his friend request. He has texted me multiple times and I really saw it harmless, because he lived so far away. He said that I was beautiful and so on. Sometimes when he texts I dont answer. 1) Kinda creepy 2) Dont you have other girls to text? So he texted last night, and he was asking the certain questions like what's your fav color and so on? I told him I was sick and taking it easy and he asked if I helped with gas he could come and take care of me. WOAH HOLD ON. I texted back saying I didn't know him, so I am now just ignoring. Gah he keeps bla bla bla. Anywho, I am not sure what to think and have started to ignore the texts. Maybe he will get the picture. So I am going to go and find some energy. I have some lady looking at a mattress at one and need to take a shower. toodles.

P.S

Friday...

The sun is shining, the snow is melting and I am snuggled up with my two dogs. Mmm life is sweet right now. I am not much in the mood to write, but want to share a picture I found that I like :) Hope your Friday is going swell!!!

Hearts...

Yeah its snowing :) Kinda happy, kinda not. If school is cancelled, I dont have to work at JCC (jewish community center) BUT I signed up to work at HHH if school is cancelled, so either way looks like I am going to have to work. It is not like school where you get off and the whole day is yours, NOPE, I have to be grown up and work. At least if I work at HHH, I will get my check. The sad thing is I get 8% out of it to go to the 401k. Poop!

So question, about guys. I have tried and tried to have this only be about things beside those creatures with coodies, but I find this is what I often think about. I promise to not have all of my posts about them, but I just wonder if anyone else thinks about them the way I do.

I am talking, or should I say texting a guy. He is sweet, far away from here, but not far enough that we can't visit (we have thought of seeing each other). But what are we? I dont want to ask the question especially if that was the TOTAL opposite of what he was wanting. But then again, what do I want? I would like a boyfriend. The thought of telling a person at the end of the day that you love them, and truly caring about someone other then your family/dog, is something that I crave. How do I tell him, without 1) seeming desperate and 2) Scaring him off?

I know some may say if he doesn't want what you want and wont do it for you, he isn't the right one for you anyway. FINE. But seriously what if he is the right one? I dont know, my heart will be a little crushed if he says he doesn't want that, but everyone is entitled to their own heart. I just need to be content with allowing people to follow their own heart even if it hurts mine in the process.

"Promise me you'll wait for me, cause I'll be saving all my love for you, And I will be home soon"

Freezing...

Here I am in the new apartment, with not great internet thanks to my phone. It was a interesting move to say the least. The day before moving it was a beautiful day, warm, sunny skies. The weather said that it was going to be cold and maybe even snow. But when you are amongst a gorgeous day, the cold doesn't sound that bad

WELL, its freezing, literally, and there are power outages everywhere, fun. But thanks to my dad A TON, we moved everything into my apartment.

The apartment is cute, wood floors, our own bathroom (I have a roomie, Lee Ann), and amazing view to trails. The management must of just sprayed because upon putting dishes into the cabinet, there were a ton of dead cockroaches. EWW, anyone that truly knows me, knows that I hate them to the point I will cry until someone kills it. Luckily they were dead but it was going to be a task that I didn't know if I could do. I was on my own though, Lee Ann still in Odessa, mom in Georgetown and me stuck cleaning it by myself. I am still here though. I grew some balls and the kitchen is now spick and span. WOOP.

I am excited for this new chapter of my life, and really hope I dont run into a lot of roadbumps. But hopefully if I do, I will at least trip gracefully :)

Happiness...