Bubble-Gum

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:  

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

I fell in love with this quote. Amazing how many times we allow other people, magazines, parents, friends, and society "guide" us in their opinion on how one should: dress, eat, talk, and I swear  even the way we use the restroom. How dare a person look at someone for more then three seconds while chewing bubble-gum and drinking a coke while gossiping. BUT wait. Parents say not to chew and talk at the same time, so I can't talk and eat bubble gum. And magazines say that bubble-gum makes you look to highschool, and mints are the new thing, but what would they know because that would be gossip-talk which my parents said I shouldn't.

ENOUGH!

So how exactly do you find YOU, inside a world that is so full of the ideals that we are supposed to be? I have no earthly idea. I think there was one moment when I didn't care the way I looked, which was when I was sent away to the desert. When you are out with no shower, or razor for 9 weeks, who the hell cares? I didn't and neither did the other 8 smelly girls who had long armpit hair like me.

Thinking has always got to me. I will take one thought and put it in so many loops and hoops that I dont even know what my main thought was in the beginning. How do I think for myself? My mother still to this day loves to "suggest" books that will seriously "change your view on things". I would be thinking through others if I truly followed the books. I guess its taking what you feel and applying it to your life. If it works, great, if not, well I guess that's a book my mother will have to take to someone else. Like my thinking? :)

Loving. So many different meanings in such a small four letter word. Emotionally, I love with my whole heart, or at least I try. There is such a thing as lovingly hitting your brother, or lovingly forgetting to do something your mother told you to do, right? Physically, your gonna have to ask the men that will never forget me. But that can be a different topic. Love can be defined in so many ways. I think I have love down pretty well.

The question is do I love myself enough to be okay with everything that has to do with me. Happy with my weight... never will be. Happy with the relationship I have with God. Nope. Happy with the way I crave drama, carbs, or the love for sales? Not to much. But if I didn't have struggles and challenges every day that I need to work on, I would be one boring person. And lets face it. I will chew bubble-gum, while talking about how those pants are WAY too tight on that boy, and still lovingly hit my brother when he is being dumb.