Cupcakes!!

When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.    -Randy

I should follow the quote and make myself some dang cupcakes! ♔

Smile

I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more. -Nin

Poop Pimples...

So dog people out there. Do you ever wake up to your dog repeatedly licking himself? First of all it can wake me up from the deepest slumber. So anyway, usually its my bigger dog that licks herself and I have to tell her to stop. But there was a lick this morning that sounded like it was on a treadmill, training for a marathon.

I moaned 'STOP' multiple times, but the lick continued. I woke up, because this sound can make you want to gag. Well it was Lilly licking her butt, and she wouldn't stop. I had noticed her licking her butt a lot yesterday and for a great amount of time, but figured it must've tasted good so that is why she didn't stop. So I let it slide, but she kept doing it all this morning. Me, being the freak out type of mom, googled it. It came up with this across the board on this is what it was.

EXPRESSED ANAL GLANDS

First of all, I need blonde terms. I am not sure what 'expressed' means. So then I had to google that. I didn't know that when dogs poop they have glands that secrete a scent so other dogs know that there is their dog shit. Why would you want to sniff others poop? Goodness dogs are so weird. So anyway, these glands get plugged and need to be expressed, or popped. Well I could to go to the vet to get this done, but I googled AGAIN, because people said you can do it yourself. Everyone said to plug your nose because it smelled awful. There was a link to youtube saying a DIY way to express your dog. I almost threw up. Its basically popping a pimple but having poop-gross stuff come out of it. GROSS

I texted my veterinary  friend asking if he thought if it was serious enough matter to take her to vet. If she starts doing the butt dragging, then its time, but I shouldn't be too worried, and that if I wanted to I could do it myself and express her. Lilly is very independent and I feel she expresses herself just fine WITHOUT me needing to help her.

So what a blog eh? You probably never thought you would get to read about anal glands. You lucky duck :))

Coffee Spoons

Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it. -Dessen

What's in you Purse??

I have always been told, the contents of your purse says who you are in a nut shell. My mother also says that the size of your purse is the same size as your ass. Thanks mom. So my butt is huge, which it actually is, and has some relevant truth in it. I look around and I see some of that is true. Others must be, according to my mother's notion, wanting their butt to be small, because the purses they are carrying could only fit half a butt cheek.

My boyfriend says that my purse is a cruise ship, and well, I am okay with that. I can do things with my purse he would only dream of doing. Take for instance a movie. He cant stuff a meal and a drink from a fast food restaurant and or candy. I can put all of that in there and slide right past the ticket lady. She isn't dumb though. I know she probably does the same thing. But her butt isn't that big so maybe she has a little bit more trouble, if she is living by my mother's law.

The only downside of having a huge purse is its a dark hole. I can not find anything, and will sit there trying to find my keys, wallet, or phone. I giggled when I saw people trying to find their phone while it is ringing in their purse as a teen, thinking what a funny sight. Now I am that person trying to just find my sanity, realizing that my phone is actually in my back pocket.

So what is in my purse that would describe me in whole? I can only let you decipher, but maybe I can put a stab at it:

1) Phone- essential. Nobody these days goes without their phone
2) Wallet- jammed pack of course, as you would say a 'mama' wallet
3) Keys- if I can ever find them
4) Makeup Bag- I bring this everywhere, mostly because I work overnight and well overnights make you look like your 50 by morning or get the comment 'you look tired' so I try to help that from happening that often.
5) Tampons- Mother nature always freaking jumps out to scare me at all the wrong times
6) Gum- After a kid told me (working overnight) that my breath stunk, I thought no wonder no one stand right close to me ;)
7) Receipts- I know I should maybe organize or throw them out, but once they start coming out the top that is when I realize I should probably do it sooner then later.
8) Trash- Gum wrappers, bits of paper, ect. I know I know, probably not sanitary, but come on, its a black hole and honestly dont find anything until I try and clean it.

So there is kinda of the jist of what is in my purse. Be a psychologist all you want. Analayze me all you need to. I already know my butt is huge, my purse is the size of a cruise ship. But its a dandy purse, its gets me where I need to go, and its fashionable, like me, so mother there ya go, my big booty in a nut shell!!

Complaining

Well hey there overnight, how do you do? It is not even twelve and I am still alive. I am not sure what to talk about. Of course there are a thousand and one things on my mind, but not sure which one I want to write about.

I could write about a boy, my friends that I am annoyed with, or something of the sort, but isn't that for my diary? I want a blog that people enjoy reading. Whether it is a quote, picture or something that the person can say, 'yeah I totally hear you'. I got a comment from a reader that said she loves reading my blog. UM thank you. Probably one of the best things I have heard. It feels good that someone out there actually enjoys reading my crazy mind.

So I am searching for the happiness that some people around me, I feel have. I know that everybody struggles with their own issues, but I have seen some people that always look on the bright side. Hello, can I please have just 1/16th of what you have? I complain about everything. I could complain about anything and everything. Dont believe me? Test me. I feel that people do complain. I have sat with friends for lunch, on the phone, or even in person, and it is all about what she said, or this guy is totally being a douche and blah blah blah. I get annoyed, but then I catch myself over and over again, complaining.

             "Oh my god, he hasn't texted me back, its been FIVE minutes"
             " She is such a bitch"
             "I have to work another FREAKING overnight, I never get a break"
             "I was so wanting to get laid, but nooo, mother nature just had to come say hi"

You understand how it goes. So how do I start being positive when I am so used to complaining? I dont know. People say to say nice things when you want to say mean things. Do people know who I am? If you are going to tell me that at least ____ <--- and give me something optimistic, I will want to throw a huge knuckle sandwich your way. I know the sky can be blue sometimes if I look hard enough, but really? Try saying that to someone when a hurricane and tornado are wanting to hit natalie central will not make a little blue sky appear out of no where!

Maybe I should go on something. I am already so messed up with sleeping pills and caffeine pills, why not add a little sunshine in the mix? My mom suggested I take some of my brothers anxiety pills. haha. Oh the joys of sharing prescription meds :) But seriously, maybe I could, but back in the day I dont feel people took things. I believe they probably smoked a ton of weed and everyone was chill and relaxed. But I can't do that either, not that I even have the desire, because everyone knows or has heard that when you smoke, you eat, and my butt doesn't need to gain a size.

But I am who I am. I got a family, that despite how many times they want to kill me, loves me everyday. My mom lets me bitch to her on a regular basis. My roommate and best friend moved in with me, so that means that I am liveable to be around, and that either she is now immune to it, or she is the best ever,  (I will go with the later). So honestly, all I can do is work on getting happy. As they say (and good thing I am in the optimistic quote mood):

Poop Rainbows

In my world everyone is a pony who eats butterflies and poops out rainbows. -Suess

Lilacs...

If any boy or anybody wants to woo me over, it is by giving me these

Lilacs. Ah I can smell them now. Its amazing how a flower can change your attitude on almost anything. We have lilacs in Michigan, huge bushes of them that are about 15 feet high, full of them. Sadly, by the time we arrive for the summer, they are all dead, but I remember while we lived there they were amazing.

It seemed that overnight they sprouted, the vibrant purple. My mom would go out with her yard clippers and get huge bushels of them (exaggerating) but she had one, similar to the picture above in our bathroom. It seemed that no matter where you went you were filled with the aroma, the simplicity of the amazing purple flower.

I plan to move back to Michigan one day, and continue the same tradition that my mother does. I plan of basically living, surrounded by the flowers. Maybe I will be known as the lilac lady, but honestly I am more then okay with that.

As a quote that I love says

Flowers are the sweetest things God ever made, and forgot to put a soul into. ~ Henry Beecher

ME...

 I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me.

Dressing Up.

My babies

You know I have just realized I have yet to talk about my dogs, which are the loves of my life. The one above is not mine, but cute I will have to admit. It is amazing how something that gives you retarded 'I dont know what you are talking about so I will cock my head to look cute', whose saddest eyes 'make' you fork over yet another piece of food from your delicious meal, to the annoying scratches at night that let you know they are there when you seem to be in the most peaceful sleep. They are simply the best.

Lucy

My adorable, walmart dog, whom before I received was named Yager girl. A little girl in the walmart parking lot was hold a dog who used to be about 20 pounds, who now should be on the atkins diet. I was in love. I didn't even let my boyfriend at the time know, and brought her home and it was love. Maybe that is the reason we are no longer together, because ever since she has been home she in known as the bed hog. She farts while walking up the stairs, licks herself in the most annoying sound I have ever heard, and doesn't even chew the food I give her. She swallows and makes the most weird pig noise. Yet she is the most faithful. She lays on my bed when all I want to do is sleep, and doesn't even hint that she has been needing to go to the bathroom for the past 6 hours. She has the most beautiful depressed eyes I have ever seen, which I believe she has mastered to get everything she wants. She is my best friend. EVER :)

Lilly

How can you resist a face like this. My roommate at the time, she and I decided to go to the pet store to buy a small animal because I get bored with life and always need something new and interesting. I walked in and walked out 170 dollars poorer, but 170 dollars that I would spend on probably crap anyway. She was adorable and I have always wanted a small dog. The people there said she would be no bigger then 5 pounds, LIES, and I was so happy. My first pocket dog. Now the 13 pound heap of joy, is still the best small dog I have had. She has to be constantly touching me, near me, looking at me with her yoda ears. She annoys the living hell out of Lucy, has no manners and not trained. I will admit she knows her name, knows how to eat anything off the ground and loves me. So whats better then that? nothing.

And I know this post was going to be all about my dogs but I can't forget my first animal who was really and truly mine. 

Cookie

I got this kitten from an ex, who had four less then a week old kittens that were in his wall. I raised them and ended up keeping cookie who was the runt of them all. I bought this cat so many toys yet he still to this day perfers water bottle boxes and boxes. Oh what a silly cat. I enjoy his energy, except in the middle of the night and love his cuddle moods.

I seriously have the best animals ever, and will never ever get tired of talking about them and loving them til they want to hate me :)

ello!

‘So you believe in second chances now,’ he said, clarifying.
‘I believe,’ I said, ‘in however many you might need to get it right.’

I am working an overnight, woop. I am already ready for bed and I have so much time to pass by. It is almost two and one kid has been complaining of an ear ache. 

So I have been struggling, of course, with my job. It is not that I dont like it, its not that I am not good at it. Its that I have stressed my body to the point where I can't handle my emotions. The ONLY person I have been able to go to is my mother. I dont want to be the debby downer for my roommate and my significant other never answers and I feel that I bring him down more then anything and that he is doing his best to console me, but it isn't want I am wanting. Technically its maybe what I need, but right now I just want someone to just shake their head and say, I am sorry. 

Ah, tonight is day one of four, I have a interview/putting in my resume for a dream job that I am not truly qualified for. I worked on my cover letter but I am not sure if my heart truly shines through. I want this job more then anything. I can't believe I could have the opportunity of saving animals. What an honor it would be to save the lives of animals that aren't able to voice it themselves. I always look in the eyes of my pets and I feel so lucky that they are mine and that I can take care of them. I always feel that animals have that sad look in their eyes that say, save me, and I can never turn them down. Thankfully there is a pet deposit because if there weren't a limit on how many animals I have I would be the notorious animal lady. but I am okay with that. I dream of one day saving thousands of animals. I want to be known for saving and giving animals a second chance at life. I only dream that God wants this as much as I want it. So please cross your fingers for me.

I am off to finish my duties so I can maybe browse the internet and other useless things.  

Falling Quickly..

Almost 3. Super tired and somewhat sick. I think I am all jacked up on caffeine pills that I feel okay, but once I get off and the tiredness comes back I am going to feel like death. Wonderful. I have a doctors appointment at three and my mother was wonderful enough to offer to pick me up. My gas tank is thanking her tremendously.

I am so not prepared for 4 days of overnight's in a row. They are on a unit where I haven't been and I am not as comfortable as I am on the unit I have been on mostly. So lets hope that goes ok.

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

I thought I would digest this quote. I found it tonight, and it just struck a chord. I have made decisions about men and life in general very quickly. I find that if I want something I go for it, whether it be a purse that is way to expensive or a man. I fall in love fast with everything. That is why I have so many animals at such a young age and probably why I have had so many men in my life.

I guess with me being so emotional about everything, and since no one but my mother has really said that "you are emotional" I have assumed that my emotions must be ok. I know that I should keep them in check more. When I am down I am in the biggest hole imaginable, and when I am happy, I am floating way above the clouds, in one of those high atmospheres, possibly the lithosphere? I dont know but you get my drift.

So with my emotions and big heart I know I give people so much more then what I should be. I have hung onto the relationship with my dad WAY too long. I hold off on the relationships that have truly been poison. I feel that since I have so much love in my heart to give that they somewhere inside of them do to and that they will return it back. So I take the verbal, physical and the in between abuse because somewhere inside I feel that they will grow.

But they wont. Never will. I hold onto something that isn't even there. Do I still just hang onto a relationship hoping that maybe it will change or grow? Yeah. I still do today. But I am growing, finding little pieces on the way of  myself. I am coming to the realization that people are who they are and if they aren't going to make you grow then there is no use waiting for the sun to shine when they live underground.

I need this

Watching Date Night, applied for three jobs, even one of them after I sent it messed up, frustrating, and have a clean room. YAY! Its a night off from Helping Hand and I am so excited.

I am exhausted though. I miss Michigan so much. I am so bummed I wont be there this summer. I am going to miss my last summer job, my best friend, and well, just being around a wonderful city in the most wonderful part of year. I wish it was possible to go there this summer, but it wont happen sadly.

I miss my boyfriend too. It is so hard being away from him. I dont know how long it has been but it has been too long for sure. If I can get over this crappy weekend full of work, I get to see him. Cross your fingers it gets here pronto and that I can make it through in one piece.

more love

HELL.A

So my dog is getting walked by my neighbor upstairs. How nice. I am crossing my fingers, saying a little prayer that she is running willingly and doesn't die because she is so fat. She ate before she went, good move mom, and is lazy so I will either see them both back shortly or just my neighbor because Lucy died on the trail. So cross your fingers.

I worked last night, and it went amazing. I hate going into work, but when I have nice smooth nights I love my job, go figure. I love when the kids enjoy and WANT to spend their mornings with Miss Natalie. It makes me feel so loved. I have work at 2:30 at the Jewish school, and though I hate to say to go watch over spoiled, loud, rich Jewish children and use the derogatory term, I am going to keep my mouth shut. Probably a good choice.

I am so ready for a good night's rest and for my eyes to stop feeling like they haven't had any sleep for a day. Hopefully I will get a couple hours before work and then it will be caffeine pills and coffee until six. SO I am going to try and get some shut eye, leave a note on the door for the neighbor to give me the whereabouts of Lucy, and pray Lilly doesn't have too many crazy spasm-dreams. Wish me luck :)

JUST A THOUGHT FOR THE DAY <--- THE WORD HELLA :))

The just got back, 10 minutes later... they made it back alive!

Friday...

Sitting at home on a Friday. Mind you my only Friday off in awhile. Boo for nobody that wants to drink or drive down. BUT, I guess being lazy on my day off with my dogs (mind you Lucy threw up 9 times tonight, poor baby) isn't that bad when you get down to it. Night yall :))

Wiseass

 

Your flaws are beautiful. They’re what make you stand out. Don’t try to be normal, perfect, striving to be something or someone that you will never accomplish. Be annoying, be quirky, be different. In truth, it takes a hell of a lot more strength to resist, than to go along with the flow. Stray from the path. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. Let them be boring, let them be the same, as unnoticeable as the people around them. Wear flowers in your hair, mismatching socks, and thousands of multi-colored bracelets. Press all those damn buttons in the elevator, and piss off everyone around you. Have fun now, because there’s always plenty of time to be boring in the future. -Chiang

Bubble-Gum

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:  

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me… or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

I fell in love with this quote. Amazing how many times we allow other people, magazines, parents, friends, and society "guide" us in their opinion on how one should: dress, eat, talk, and I swear  even the way we use the restroom. How dare a person look at someone for more then three seconds while chewing bubble-gum and drinking a coke while gossiping. BUT wait. Parents say not to chew and talk at the same time, so I can't talk and eat bubble gum. And magazines say that bubble-gum makes you look to highschool, and mints are the new thing, but what would they know because that would be gossip-talk which my parents said I shouldn't.

ENOUGH!

So how exactly do you find YOU, inside a world that is so full of the ideals that we are supposed to be? I have no earthly idea. I think there was one moment when I didn't care the way I looked, which was when I was sent away to the desert. When you are out with no shower, or razor for 9 weeks, who the hell cares? I didn't and neither did the other 8 smelly girls who had long armpit hair like me.

Thinking has always got to me. I will take one thought and put it in so many loops and hoops that I dont even know what my main thought was in the beginning. How do I think for myself? My mother still to this day loves to "suggest" books that will seriously "change your view on things". I would be thinking through others if I truly followed the books. I guess its taking what you feel and applying it to your life. If it works, great, if not, well I guess that's a book my mother will have to take to someone else. Like my thinking? :)

Loving. So many different meanings in such a small four letter word. Emotionally, I love with my whole heart, or at least I try. There is such a thing as lovingly hitting your brother, or lovingly forgetting to do something your mother told you to do, right? Physically, your gonna have to ask the men that will never forget me. But that can be a different topic. Love can be defined in so many ways. I think I have love down pretty well.

The question is do I love myself enough to be okay with everything that has to do with me. Happy with my weight... never will be. Happy with the relationship I have with God. Nope. Happy with the way I crave drama, carbs, or the love for sales? Not to much. But if I didn't have struggles and challenges every day that I need to work on, I would be one boring person. And lets face it. I will chew bubble-gum, while talking about how those pants are WAY too tight on that boy, and still lovingly hit my brother when he is being dumb.

Rings on Saturn

YES :))