Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have compiled a brief list of things I have been thinking I need going into the year 2012. I probably should have started by saying hello... sorry... hello Santa, I hope you and Rudolph are doing well. I have been very pleasant if you knock off the times I curse in traffic, called my brother a douche or acted like the princess and the pea. All other times, well, the one hour of the day while I am not cursing, is when I am sleeping,  and I have been an angel. I have been trying to improve which should be the main point. I use my turn signal 70% of the time and only Facebook stalk my exes 15 times a day. I even started eating spinach instead of a 1/2 bag of chips. See? My excellence is shining through.

For Christmas I would like:

1) My inner thighs to shrink and for the fat to go to my boobs. Some elf invented the Shake Weight and the Thigh Burner of Hell, so I am sure you could whip something up.

2) A phone that doesn't "miraculously" malfunction and shut down after 2 days of use. The Verizon sign as it waves while jumping off a cliff doesn't make my day, especially when I'm lost and need my GPS.

3) Those really pretty heels, or that Marc Jacobs purse? You could make that sale sign say 50% off, right?

4) A robot, like in the tv show the Jetsons, that cleans my room, dishes and probably if I asked it to my butt, yet I'd rather that function not be available. I can't tell you how nice it would be to stay in my warm bed while it walked my dogs in 32 degree weather.

5) Finally I would enjoy if Christmas lasted longer then a month. Granted people are starting before Halloween, but my roommate won't let me listen to Music until after Thanksgiving. I need more then a month of Nat King Cole.

I know your a busy man, but I learned early that a way to a man's heart is food, so I will leave on my kitchen table a plate of double chocolate fudge with recece's pieces cookies with chocolate frosting and sprinkles and a glass of 1% milk since I know you may be watching your intake of calories on Christmas Eve. I hope your reindeer like green beans and carrot medley in a butter sauce. Just toss it in the microwave for a minute and your good to go, they will never go back to hay.

If your feeling especially generous you can have Gerard Butler or Channing Tatum next to me in bed when I wake up. Both would be awesome but I surely will settle for just one.

Yours truly, and anxiously waiting in apartment 517 in Austin Texas,

Natalie