Doritos.

"There is a dog driving the car" --What her butt says

I am eating Doritos at 3:18 in the morning. Justifying myself that I am working overnight so it’s technically my day but still, chips nonetheless. Will I regret this in the morning, or night in the overnight lingo? Very much so, but an apple or something healthy just doesn’t sound as good. Eating the chips covered in nacho cheese heaven, I think about where these chips are going to go. I have always wanted the fat to be absorbed into my boobs, and if it did I would be bigger then Pamela, but somehow it settles in my inner thighs and stomach. These places hates exercise or anything of the sort, and wont go away no matter how many pushups or sit-ups I do.

Then I started thinking of working out. You know what I absolutely hate? The boys who do nothing and lose weight, and yes I am calling them boys because it infuriates me and I just want to diminish their feelings because of my own jealousy inside. Boys go to the gym to get big. If they don’t go to the gym they lose weight. Uh hello? Where the hell did this gene only get stuck with guys? I work out my butt off, look like a freaking pig sweating bullets, and the only thing I happen to lose is the one thing I want the most, my boobs. I work out and still have huge thighs, a doughnut around my middle, and size A cups that were once B are the only results I get. I already get made fun of my “ant hills” and now they are just going to be mosquito bites. Hmph.

I am not sure what this is supposed to teach me, but it just doesn’t help when a boy can eat whatever he wants, sit on the couch and LOSE weight. I am on the treadmill like a slave and the guy is asking his guys if he wants a beer. Yes I would like a beer or 2, or hell even 3 thank you, but can’t afford to lose the one thing that defines me as a woman. So what’s the solution? I am either going to find someone that loves all my lady lumps, or I am going to go find that gene that allows me to not feel guilty eating Doritos at 3 in the morning because I know I am losing weight.