Positives of Deployment

7,722 miles

7,722 miles that separate you from me. Not long ago you were just 67 miles away for training. Those 67 miles felt the way Pluto probably feels about being separated from the rest of the planets, too far away. I am not sure how you comprehend distance. When I walk a mile I want to get on a strict no carb-diet, lets try and run every day, and get back in shape because I feel like death walking to my mailbox. But then when walking through the baking isle of the grocery store, the brownies tell me that I am beautiful just the way I am and I don't need to walk any miles... you sneaky bastard. But seriously, I have traveled 8,747 miles to Cape Town, Africa and the only way that I survived was because of Ambien. If I had not had that sweet small white pill that made sleeping in a small seat tolerable, my ass would be begging to walk a mile, heck, maybe even two. *Lets be realistic, probably only a half mile.* Either way, miles seem incredibly long, especially when you are away from the hunk of your dreams for the next 9 months.

They say its going to be hard going through deployment. Some say there are going to be miserable days, and heck, maybe I am in denial right now. My emotions will hit me like all the ladies off of Maury who start bawling because the ghetto man with 24 children is cheating on her. *didn't know that one was coming* I know its there, but it just hasn't hit me yet. So I am trying to look at all the positives right now. 

ONE: I just ate breakfast for dinner. It was marvelous. And I ate it off a paper plate. Dishes done- check :). 

TWO: I have the entire bed to myself. Well, kinda, IF you don't take into account this ropy-poly of a child I have that moves more than a bug that gets stuck on its back that frantically moves its legs around trying to flip itself over. I honestly don't know what 8 hours of sleep is like anymore, so I guess having the whole bed to myself doesn't really mean much if you don't actually get sleep.

THREE: I don't have to shower if I don't want to. My child can't say I smell like throw up because he thinks the sun shines out of my ass, I am his main food source, and oh yes, he's only 4 months old. Yes it bothers me when I keep saying to myself, "dam something smells bad!" It wasn't body odor from my pits or the morning breath... this was different.You should see me looking everywhere in the house for the spoiled milk smell that engulfed me. I am so exhausted from my sleepless nights, that I don't think to look at my shoulder where milk curds are plastered in the shape of a grandma's shoulder pad- its attractive let me tell you. I then look at my kiddo, wishing he could have told me how much of an idiot I am before pulling dishes out of the cupboards, washing my sheets (this needed to be done anyway) and pulling the cushions from the couch in hopes to find the source. He smiles, and attempts to giggle which makes the whole situation humorous. 

FOUR: I don't have to shave. It IS time to shave when your child can pull your leg hairs... just kidding, or am I?

FIVE: Laundry. He hated when I didn't fold the laundry and he would run out of underwear. Yes, sometimes it got that bad. At the time I was VERY pregnant and my ankles, um cankles, were so swollen that I didn't want to do anything except for sleeping, and eating. But now I can hit the refresh button every morning until I get around to it. Whoever invented the refresh cycle on the dryer was a genus. 

SIX: Feeling like a teenager. When you live with someone and see them every evening, you get to the point where seeing them isn't exciting anymore. The gym shorts that you constantly pick up every morning that get covered in dog hair, the chin hairs that grace the sink after just cleaning the bathroom, the pee splatters that never get in the bowl, and the glass of milk left in the sink from the night before that have been paired with the half empty pan of brownies gets tiring. These become habits wives get annoyed with. These "habits" are something I crave to have again. I used to get upset when I wouldn't hear from him while he worked, but now I bounce up and down from getting ONE text message while he is gone. I don't literally bounce up and down, but I get those butterflies that come when you found out in 8th grade a boy thought you had pretty hair and wanted to "go out with you" (aka sit next to you at lunch- oh sweet young love). 

I miss the crap out of him, and I would walk 7,722 miles if it meant I could be with him. It would probably take me 9 months to do, or more since I am not good at math, but he's worth it. I'd bitch probably the whole way because Natalie doesn't exercise, and brownies and I would get into a tiff, but the man is sure worth the walk and my oh my I'd look good after it!