miss you

So last night I had crazy dreams, the one's where you wake up and think what the heck, I must be psycho!! People may argue I am psycho, but these dreams were just overboard. But one actually woke me up and made me sit up in bed and seriously catch my breath. Derek. I keep dreaming about him, or certain parts of him.

I find myself still to this day, going to his facebook, looking through his pictures, videos, comments, just soaking it all in again. His life, or what it was portrayed in on facebook.  I am not sure why I still do it as memories will be more then what a photo will ever give. I just dont want to lose him, and I feel that I am.  What I could give just to hear him laugh or see him turn his lip as he smiles.  I can't imagine what he was thinking but he hasn't left me, and its almost been a year.

Tears are streaming down and I feel idiotic almost, that he and I weren't super close yet he has so much effect over me. Way to go Derek, a boy that has full control over my emotions and he isn't even around. :) Its amazing what one life can do to change so many people.

"Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things" - Leo F.